My bucket list before I kick the bucket

Seems I owe Chicken Little an apology.
The sky is falling.
If you don’t believe me just ask any of the folks over in Chelyabinsk, Russia, where an asteroid exploded about 15 miles above the earth’s surface on Feb. 15, injuring more than 500 people and damaging hundreds of buildings.
NASA scientists described it as a “tiny asteroid.”
They estimated the “tiny asteroid” measured roughly 45 feet across, weighed about 10,000 tons and traveled about 40,000 mph.
The “tiny” asteroid vaporized about 15 miles above earth, causing a shock wave that measured between 300 and 500 kilotons, equivalent to a modern nuclear bomb.
Here’s a suggestion: if you’re an astronaut and NASA says you have a “tiny” problem, kiss your asteroid goodbye.
Like Forrest Gump said, “Momma said nothing good ever ends in ‘oid’.”
Scanning the world news, Pope Benedict XVI announced he’s officially resigning tomorrow (Feb. 28).
I wonder if Pope Benedict’s got a bucket list?
Something like: enter this year’s Bible drill contest, or buy a smaller hat.
He said he’s retiring to a life of prayer. May God bless him.
His retirement has gotten me to working on my bucket list:
-Fold the towels on the couch;
-Find the couch;
-Wash some towels;
-Dry off with a “good” towel, what the heck, two “good” towels;
-Take the plastic off the front of the oven;
-Find at least three pair of fingernail clippers in the house;
-Get Garth Brook to sing my Augusta National version of “Rodeo”;
-Ask my wife which shoes look best;
-Live in a house that has a real shoe closet;
-Finally park MY car inside OUR garage;
-Clean out the garage;
-Find a pay phone:
-Get Marlin Inmon to crop dust my yard with roundup;
-Learn to spell SHASHEFFSKI (the last name of Duke’s basketball coach);
-Memorize the real song lyrics to “Louie Louie;”
-Get Brad Lunn to teach me how to change out a leaky faucet;
-Track down Brad Lunn;
-Announce over a jumbo jet intercom “are there any certified pilots aboard?”
-Tear that tag off my pillow;
-Give each of my grandkids a drum set;
-Get some grandkids;
-Live long enough to hear both of my children ask their kids:
“Why didn’t you call me like you promised?”
“How long have you known you had to make clay replicas of all the animals on the ark?”
“How long have you known about this book report?”
“How do they expect us to make a parallelogram out of wooden sticks and string?”
“What happened to that no more than 30 minutes of homework crap?”
“Oh, so the band director said you’re a natural oboe player?”
“Where was the last place you remember seeing your backpack?”
“How long have you had this movie from Red Box?”
-Live long enough to see a virus destroy all cell phone capabilities and we have to go back to rotary phones;
-See NASA come up with a better “tiny” radar screen;
-See two young people in love walking down the mall and holding hands, talking to each other, and not texting.
-Make a hole-in-one:
I’m gonna need the Pope’s help with those last two.