The weather’s all about leaving enough “wiggle woom”

Now I’m already on record as saying I have a bone to pick with the Weather Channel.
When they’re showing the weather map of the Southeast, they still stand in front of the state of Mississippi and block our view of the radar.
Mississippi remains a pivot point where they turn to the left to talk about Georgia and Florida and they turn right to show you Louisiana and Texas, even Arkansas.
It doesn’t seem to strike a chord that Mississippi has had 10 inches of rain in the past two hours, or that a winter storm is possible.
What remains their everyday number one priority?
“Atlanta, you’re still in the clear and looking good!”
Now let me be fair.
You can wake up at 3 a.m. and get First Forecast.
From 4:30 a.m. until 6 a.m. you can “Wake up with Al (Roker).”
But I can remember the good ole days when the Weather Channel showed you weather, almost 24 hours a day.
Last week, if you were trying to keep up with the impending possibility of another 1994 ice storm, here’s the Weather Channel’s regularly scheduled programming last Tuesday and Wednesday (Jan. 15-16).
At 1 p.m. you could watch “Storm Riders,” featuring storm chasers Justin and Simon as they tracked an “unusually large” tornado across Minnesota.
“Holy, Minnetonka Janet, get my snow shoes.”
I thought, ok, I’ll tune in at 2 p.m. and get an update on the freezing weather.
Wrong. At 2 p.m. it was “Life Guard, Southern California,” featuring life guards (minus Pamela Anderson in slow motion) as they rescued a paraglider who was trapped on the side of a cliff.
Maybe the Weather Channel could shoot “Life Guard, Pontotoc,” where residents went over the fiscal cliff and are waiting to be rescued from the government’s 2% payroll tax increase.
F.I.C.A. that Congress.
At 3 p.m. it was “Hawaii Air Rescue,” featuring a near drowning victim who suffers a heart attack.
He had a heart attack because his wife wants to move back to Mississippi where they’re expecting an ice storm.
Eureka!!! From 4-7 p.m. it was Weather Center Live.
Residents were advised to move to Atlanta or Hawaii, or sit tight and stay calm, FEMA would be opening some local offices in the spring.
After Weather Center, they repeated two Life Guard episodes. Seems that same fella went paragliding again.
After a one hour Weather Center Live update, it was back to Southern California for two more hours of Life Guard training.
One curvaceous blonde remarked, “I love the beach cause it’s so near the ocean.”
I remarked, “I love North Mississippi cause it’s colder than Minnesota!”
At 12 midnight Tuesday night, Weather Center Live actually mentioned North Mississippi.
“No guarantees mind you, but Preston Campbell might actually get to sell one of those snow sleds tomorrow!
“And Jim Cantorre will be live tomorrow morning, ice fishing on Pontotoc Lake.”
“See all that dark pink on the radar screen over North Mississippi, all you warm folks in Hotlanta sure are lucky!”
Then from 1-3 a.m., viewers were treated to two episodes of “From the Edge,” featuring master photographer Peter Lik as he goes over the edge of a cliff to get a perfect shot of Badger Canyon in Arizona.
I was beginning to figure out that if Pontotoc was located on the edge of a cliff, we could get more weather coverage.
I pushed the info channel guide to see when they might actually get back to some weather coverage.
Coming up was a couple of episodes of “Coast Guard Alaska,” followed by “Coast Guard Florida.” (Nope, there was no “Coast Guard, Gulf Coast.”)
The Alaska episode featured a family that had to be rescued when the nighttime temperature plunged colder than North Mississippi.
Coming up were episodes of “Weather Caught on Camera,” “When Weather Changed History,” and “It Could Happen Tomorrow.”
I’m thinking of marketing a t-shirt that reads: “weather happens.”
Being a fool, I turned the TV over to CMT and GAC, hoping to catch a couple of country music videos.
CMT was showing a “Starsky and Hutch” movie and GAC was airing a Montel Williams infomercial about copper compression underwear.
I turned off the TV Wednesday night and prayed for summer time, giving thanks that there wasn’t a cliff nearby.
On Thursday morning Mr. Robbins called and said Pontotoc had three to four inches of snow on the ground.
We’d had nare a flake.
Preston was ordering more snow boards.
Some folks got their wish for “one nice snow.”
Forrest Gump called, looking for Matt Laubhan.
“Tell him Momma said you need to leave more wiggle room.”

  • MB from Not so Hotlanta

    Well DH, it’s not exactly sunny Florida in Atlanta right now.

    I’m working on the weather channel thing. I see that big sign at 75/285 in Marietta and want to deliver your message.

  • Pontotog Guy

    I’m not usually one to correct someone’s spelling mistakes, but “wiggle” should be “wriggle”.
    Enjoyed the article, though!!!

    http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/wriggle

  • Pontotoc Guy

    Yeah, I feel like an idiot now. I misspelled “Pontotoc”. I need coffee.